Trapped in a Nightmare
by rYazUKi
Summary: The rich Clarissa is in love with the poor, broken, beautiful Jace. They deny any knowledge of each other in public, for their relationship is forbidden. Especially because Jace is chosen. All characters stripped down to their core, passionate emotions. Their animalistic urges. Is the forbidden fruit truly the sweetest?
1. I Cried For Love

**I think I'm best at the first chapters of stories. I donnow why, but making the whole new thing just totally works for me :D But here's my new story and I'm so happy about it.**

**Disclaimer: I own only the plot, nothing relating to mortal instruments or anything. Cool? Cool.****  
**

**In the story, Jace is 19, Clary is 17, and everyone else you can probably figure out. Sebastian's like 21. But everyone else it doesn't matter too much. **

* * *

A fleeting glance.

A stolen moment.

A passionate embrace.

He whispers sweet nothings into my ear. I sigh, feeling like I'm floating on clouds. If we hear a crack of a twig or a rustle of leaves, he bolts like a frightened deer, leaving me standing alone. Forgotten And it's over. All my worries pile back onto my shoulders tenfold, and tears begin to form in my eyes. How could i let it go on for this long? We're from two different worlds.

I know it sounds so cliche, but that's the only way I can put it. We are so different, he and I, yet so similar. He's passionate and wild, not to be tamed by anyone. But I am the cool water, able to put out even the largest blaze. We balance each other out, like yin and yang. And I love him. Even more than I can imagine.

But there's no way for us to live together.

If we're discovered, it would mean the end for both of us. He's special, he is. There's something about him, but he refuses to admit it. I think he could be the one written about in the prophecy.

And if he is, it would be even worse. He'd be off fighting the world's battles. But he has his own deeper ones to fight at home. Demons from his past, trying to catch up with him. And I'm the one who keeps them at bay. I'm the one who keeps him from breaking.

But how can you not love him. With his ivory skin, contrasting to his hair, black as a raven's feather. His long, thick lashes; his hands, coarse and rough from years of hard labour. And his eyes. So many colors, but the most striking is a metallic gold, like nothing you've ever seen before. And swimming amongst the gold is hazel, green, flecks of silver. But that gold hypnotizes you.

It possesses you.

He possesses you. It sounds so stereotypical, but it's the truth. He's beautiful, charismatic, and good. But so broken. You just want to gather him up in your hands and cradle him to your chest like a baby, holding tight so he doesn't just slip through your fingers and vanish. He's good at that.

When I look in the mirror, all I see is a short, skinny girl with uncontrollable red hair, lifeless green eyes too big for her face, and freckles. How can somebody as perfect as him even look at somebody like me? I shouldn't question it. Someday he'll realize it, and he'll be gone quicker than I can even think. That's the day I'll fall apart.

But hopefully it won't happen for a while.

I love him more than he can imagine. He can't even say it back to me. But I'll say it to him.

_I love you Jace._

* * *

"Clarissa dear! Where are you?" A shout comes from downstairs, and it's a high tinkling voice.

"Coming mother!" I yell back, and gathering myself, I hop down the stairs, into the waiting room. "Yes mother?" I ask politely, clutching my fists together behind my back. Nothing good could come of this visit.

My mother walks into the room, her arm around my father, Valentine. My mother, Jocelyn, is a regal woman. I inherited her curly red locks, but hers are much more proper, and piled on top of her head in a bun. Her green eyes twinkle and glimmer, and her sharp chin and nose, along with her high cheekbones, make her beautiful. Some say I resemble her, but I can't see the similarity.

Valentine on the other hand, has white blonde hair and is tall and noble. His upturned nose gives him an air of superiority, and his ice blue eyes are cold and unfeeling.

"Hello darling," my mother coos, her voice sickeningly sweet. "Have you met Sebastian Verlac? He's from a very esteemed family."

"How do you do, Sebastian?" I ask monotonously, as I have done millions of times before.

"Splendid Clarissa. It's enchanting to meet you." he declared, his voice as sugary as his smirk. _Gag me with a spoon. Or better yet just gouge my eyes out._

_He is devastatingly gorgeous though. White blonde hair matching that of father's, and a face looking as though it'd been sculpted out of marble by the hands of Michelangelo._

"Likewise."

"Now why don't you two go for a walk in the garden?" My mom told us, "And we'll go talk to Mr. and Mrs. Verlac" Valentine and Jocelyn strode off gracefully, giving out a demeanor of poise and grace.

The best part about my family's estate was our gardens, which I sometimes tended to in my parent's absence. It wasn't appropriate for a woman of my social class to do manual labor, so only when they were away would I look over my plants. Lavender and Foxtail, to Serpentine trees and Redwoods, we had it all.

"Your house is lovely, Clarissa." Sebastian grinned, flashing his pearly whites. He grabbed my hand boldly, entwined his fingers with mine. "It seems our parents have a bit of a merger planned."

"What do you mean by merger?"

"Why, a marriage for us of course. Two very beautiful people of our high class, that would be the marriage of the century." He cooed, his eyes gleaming. _They're black as coal. _

"How... delightful." I manage to put out, nearly choking. My thoughts slowly drift back to Jace, my love. What would he be doing right now? Building something? Working? _Getting beaten probably. _My brain spews this thought before I can stop it, and I feel sick.

"Clarissa are you all right? You're gripping my hand rather tightly, and your face has gone pale suddenly." I look down at our intertwined hands, and I'm nearly stopping the circulation to his fingers.

"I'm feeling a bit sick. I have a splitting headache," It wasn't entirely a lie. Every time I thought about this, my entire body started to hurt.

"Here, let me walk you back to your room. You should rest," Sebastian turned around, taking me with him, and began a fast pace back to my house. "Do you need me to slow down?"

"No, I'm fine." I whimper, stumbling along beside him. My mind is still focused on other things. The sharp outline of Jace's jaw, the way the stubble on his face feels when he doesn't shave for a few days. The silky soft feel of his hair, and the way his lashes curve.

But most of all, the pain in his eyes whenever he talks about his father. He tries so hard to please his father, but nothing he does ever works. It's terrible seeing him. In some sick way, I know he cares about his father. So much so that he's willing to give up everything for his father. But take one look at the blue-ish purple bags under his eyes from so many sleepless nights, and the way he ever so slightly manages to avoid touch.

From the way he keeps his eyes down whenever he talks to you. From the way he makes jokes and sarcastic comments about himself to hide the truth. The way he apologizes for every small little thing he does. You know he's hurt. Badly.

"Clarissa?" Sebastian stopped and waved his hand in front of my face. I blinked fast for a second.

"Yes?"

"Just checking to see if you were still with us. You kind of zoned out there for a moment."

"Oh yeah it's just this migraine really hurts." I pretended to rub my head, while trying to keep the tears out of my eyes, but one slips out.

"I think you should really see a doctor about this." He says.

Deep down, I realize that no doctor could ever cure the hurt Jace has laid on my soul. Call me masochistic, but it's something I love the most about him. The way whenever I see him, my heart rips out of my chest. The way I feel that tearing pain whenever he's not around, like part of myself is missing.

And it probably is.

* * *

I randomly woke up, and looked at my clock. It read 3 a.m. I groaned and smacked my head onto the pillow. Why did I even wake up. I'm so sleepy right now. Something had to have woken me up.

_Tap Tap Tap._

I shot out of bed, my heart pounding. It was Jace. Dressed only in my camisole and a pair of shorts, I quickly and quietly climb out of bed and stare out my window two stories high. There was nothing. _I must be hallucinating. _I turned around, then heard another three taps, and this time refuse to turn around. I heard a knock one more time; and I turned, bracing myself for disappointment combined with an aching hole in my chest.

As I spun on my heel, time seemed to stand still as I just stared. He was so torturously angelic, with a seeming halo above his head. He smiled slightly, his golden eyes gleaming. I couldn't move, and my breath caught in my throat as he hoisted himself over the window frame.

My body finally got over it's initial shock, and I ran over to him, overwhelmed with the burst of emotion swelling inside of me. I ran up to him and breathily whispered, "I missed you".

He put his finger to his mouth, making the universal gesture for quiet, and grabbed both my cheeks with his long slender fingers, and gently placed his mouth over mine. This kiss was sweet and calming, but still wild and unpredictable. He pressed our body's together so closely that I thought we were going to break, but I also wanted to be even closer.

Our breaths mingled. Two souls becoming one. One word, echoing within the vast inner clockwork of her most treasured thoughts. Soul-mates. He was mine. I was his. No matter what they said, what the prophecy said.

We would fight destiny. We would fight the world. Because I loved him. And I knew, even if he couldn't put it in words, he loved me. It took all of my effort to break apart the kiss, but when I did, I slowly led him back to my bed. We sat, my head nestled in the crook of his neck, on top of him, tears streaming down my face.

I wished so badly we could be together. That we could marry and live a normal life. But of course life wouldn't go easy on me. Everything else I've ever loved had been taken away. Why not him?

But for now, I was content. I was in total bliss. "I love you." I whispered, the tears making my words slightly choked.

"I know." he whispered, the pain evident in his voice.

And it hurt me to know he couldn't say it back to me. I knew he wanted to, but it still killed me. _One battle at a time. I would soon break through all his walls._

_It scared him. I knew it did. I scared him. But I was willing to sacrifice that for him._

"Please don't leave me." He whimpered, sounding like a lost puppy. In some ways, he was. He was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, like it had for everything else in his life.

"I swear on everything I've ever believed in, I will never leave you Jace. Never." And that was the total truth. I just wish he would believe it. "Just promise me one thing."

"I can't promise you anything." His breath felt hot on my cheek, as he rose my head up to meet his steely gaze. "I'll just break it, like I do everything else."

"Please, just try." Tears build up in my eyes again as I see this broken boy try so hard to cover up his pain.

"I will."

"Promise me that you'll leave one day." I see him grinding his fingernails into his wrist, trying to prevent the memories from flooding his subconscious, trying to erase the vulnerability you can see so clearly on his face.

"I can't say that." He whispered defeatedly, his head hung in shame.

"Shh... that's okay." I bury my face again, and let the tears flow more freely. I cried for both of us. I cried for him, and his messed up life, and my messed up life, and what a cosmic joke we were. I cried for our lives, which have both been irrevocably altered by this experience. I cried for how we could never go back, and how I'd never want to.

But most of all, I cried for love.

* * *

**Don't worry, this is like the sappy part... It gets better and more action-packed when we find out the prophecy. :] And the chapters won't be this short.**

**Summer break y'all. How's it going?**

**Question about this chapter: Was it too sappy? I thought so, but I kinda liked it. Jace is gonna be really OOC around Clary because I've basically stripped him down [hee hee strip ;)] to his core. Or at least, what I think his core is. But just tell me how it was :]**

**Like, love, hate? Let me know in your review :D Thanks for readin' **


	2. Beautiful Chaos

**Hey guys. Update here :] I just felt like "omg I have to write" but yeah(= Haha and the title changed to Trapped in a Nightmare because there were so many fics with the title Fleeting Glances that I was just "I wanna be unique." So if your search came up dry that's why (:**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot :D**

**_Previously on Trapped in a Nightmare:_  
**

_"I can't promise you anything." His breath felt hot on my cheek, as he rose my head up to meet his steely gaze. "I'll just break it, like I do everything else."_

_"Please, just try." Tears build up in my eyes again as I see this broken boy try so hard to cover up his pain._

_"I will."_

_"Promise me that you'll leave one day." I see him grinding his fingernails into his wrist, trying to prevent the memories from flooding his subconscious, trying to erase the vulnerability you can see so clearly on his face._

_"I can't say that." He whispered defeatedly, his head hung in shame._

_"Shh... that's okay." I bury my face again, and let the tears flow more freely. I cried for both of us. I cried for him, and his messed up life, and my messed up life, and what a cosmic joke we were. I cried for our lives, which have both been irrevocably altered by this experience. I cried for how we could never go back, and how I'd never want to._

_But most of all, I cried for love._

* * *

Once upon a time a princess and a prince fell in love. They lived together for decades, dreaming of a world of beauty and happiness. They enjoyed it for so many centuries. The lovers had everything they ever wanted. They could get anything and they could be anything. They're world was full of beauty and love and perfection. They lived in a fairy tale. This was not that world.

* * *

I woke up and he was gone. Just like every other night. I felt the tears brimming in my eyes, like they do so every other time I think of him, but I stopped them. I was strong. I had to be. If not for me, for him. He needed me to function, almost as much as I needed him.

Almost.

I used to think he'd be nowhere without me. And technically he would be. But I remember the first time we fought. It turned ugly fast. And I was angry and young and foolish and when I thought he was treating it like a fling, I ended it. When I saw him after that, I forgot about everything that happened. I was so scared, because he had completely retreated into his was walking around and acting perfectly normal, but it was like he was seeing the world through a haze of fog.

If you didn't know him, you wouldn't be able to tell. But I could. He was walking, but he wasn't treating anything like it was him seeing the world. It was like he was controlling an animation, he didn't care what happened to it as long as he was safe. It's hard to explain. Practically impossible. I still don't understand it.

But all I know is that I nearly died seeing him like that. Worse than normal. That was when I realized I could never have a normal relationship with him. He was too scarred. But I didn't care. I needed him back. It was a raw hunger I just couldn't shake.

It scared me.

So much that used to scare me doesn't anymore. I've seen so many things that a normal 17-year-old wouldn't even imagine.

I'm so glad I found him, but at the same time I wish I never did. If I hadn't, he'd be even more of a mess, but I wouldn't care.

The days after I think that I feel so guilty. I love him so much, probably way more than I should. I couldn't dream of a world without him. A world where my life was all ponies and rainbows and butterflies. He's changed me. I just can't tell yet whether it was for the better or for the worse.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, I shift my focus away from my thoughts and back towards the day at hand. _I have nothing to do, do I? _My family was rich, so I didn't have to work like most other girls my age. School and learning isn't intended for women, but I don't have any home work to do. We have servants for those kind of things.

I decided to paint. It's the only thing besides gardening I'm actually half-decent at.

And it gets my mind off of everything.

I pull out my canvas and my paints and just close my eyes. I imagine a scene where everything is blissful and perfect. We're on a serene beach at sunset, with the birds flocking above and the waves gently crashing. The sky turns a deep hue of magenta, fading into a pale lavender nearest to the sun.

After spending 2 hours in my trance, I wake up to see what I paint. That's what happens when I paint, I lose track of all my surroundings. I have no idea what's going on around me. A volcano could explode, and I'd be none the wiser.

That's why I love it.

It leaves me completely devoid of any negative emotion, which is the one thing I feel the most. I have so much sadness and anger and rage and loneliness and desolation and every other sad feeling imaginable hidden inside of me, in the deepest parts where nobody can ever find them. And the reason I do this?

It's so I can avoid the pain. Some people say they'd love to feel something. That they've been empty for so long that feeling something is better than nothing. But if they think that, they're not truly empty. They've forgotten how feeling will always lead to unhappiness. And unhappiness leads to desolation. I'd rather be empty.

Focusing my rambling thoughts back to the scene before me, my eyes land on my creation. I painted the beach from my thoughts. But in the middle, there was a black line marring the peace. A black slash, destroying the serenity and beauty of the scene. A harsh, jagged edge, destroying everything. I don't even remember painting it. But I must have. I ruin everything I touch. I'm not sure why, it just happens. I don't try to.

I'm not even making sense right now.

I never make any sense.

Irritated and just so mad at the world, I push my canvas down, and the still wet paint smears all over my perfectly white tiled floors. The colors create a pattern on the floor that detracts from the perfection of my room.

The clean white bed covers.

The clean white walls.

The clean white floors.

The clean white dressers.

It's like a hospital room. Sterile to the extreme, and clean. Because cleanliness is next to godliness right? So my darling mother says. I pick up the canvas slowly and stare at the pattern on the floor, when an idea hits me.

I grab a tube of paint, open it, and splatter some on the floor. I take red, orange, green, white, black, gray, every color you can imagine. I mix some bright violets, and splatter them on my bed covers. And after my floors and bedsheets and dressers are sufficiently messed up, I start on my walls. But on those, I paint.

I design.

I created intricate designs using only lines and curves. I made stars, suns, entire planets. I made myself a whole new universe. A universe of my own creation. Somewhere to escape into. Somewhere where I could truly be free. Even though I knew such a place could never exist.

I didn't know how much later I stopped. It might have been a few minutes, but it could have been years. My previously pristine white room was now a chaotic jumble of color. I loved it. It represented everything that was in my mind. So much stuff that I couldn't even begin to comprehend my own thoughts.

I imagined how much my mother would hate it.

I smiled for the first time in days.

Looking in the mirror at my frazzled appearance, I smiled softly again. _Two times in a day? It must be a new record... _With splotches of random color all over my face, and dressed still in the clothes I slept in, I began to wonder what time it was.

I glanced at my watch, and it was 2:41 pm. _Why hasn't mother come to get me yet? _I haven't even eaten yet. I'm starving. But normally by 7 in the morning I'm downstairs washed up and ready for breakfast.

Strange.

"Mother!" I opened my door and placed my bare feet on the cold wood floors that lined the rest of our estate. My call was met with only silence. "Mother?" Step by step, I made my way down the creaky stairs, squinting my eyes to avoid the sunlight streaming in through the large windows that were everywhere in my house. I remembered that I had paint all over me, but chose to ignore that fact as I was confused as to why nobody was at my house at this moment.

_Swish_.

"Mother?" I turn around swiftly, holding my hands out in a defensive posture, grasping for the nearest heavy item, I grab a broom. "Hello? Who's there? I have a knife and I'm not afraid to use it." I call out, my voice shaking.

Suddenly a hand covers my mouth and I try to scream, but my voice is muffled. I kick out, but all I hit is air. Then I hear a voice next to my ear, breathily talking to me, "Shh." I turn towards my captor, my eyes huge, and all I see are those large, golden eyes. He then takes his hand off of my mouth. He mouths, "Be quiet," and grabs my hand. He stealthily moves towards the exit, his feet moving gracefully over the floors, nearly flying.

It was then I realized that he had never been in my house before.

"How do you know the way around my-" Jace's hand cut me off, placing it over my mouth again.

Once more he whispered, "Shh," and pulled me along with him. He moved quietly and quickly, like a jungle cat chasing his prey. _I guess he learned how to be quiet, and try to avoid attention. It's a defense mechanism. _

_Stop thinking about this right now. _

I know that if I thought about it right then, I wouldn't be able to think straight for hours. But I can't help it. Whenever I see him, I feel so much overwhelming pity and love. But I hate that I feel pity for him. Jace hates it when I pity him. He thinks he doesn't deserve pity. I try to tell him that anyone who's been through what he has deserves pity.

He ignores me.

He doesn't believe me. I know that one day I will. One day I'll heal him and he'll be perfect and everything will be right as rain. But he won't even admit he's broken. He can't let anybody in. I think I say this more to assure me than to reassure anyone else. I don't think we'll ever be that romantic fairy tale you read in a children's book, where the prince and the princess fall in love, get married, and have 500 beautiful babies. A story only has a happy ending if you cut it off right after a happy part. The problem is, in our story, there are no happy parts.

After we escape the maze of our large mansion, Jace pull me behind a tree. The first thing he does is kiss me, his velvet lips against mine in an instant, breaking down every thought I had into jelly. It was insane that I could feel this way, that he could make me feel this way. I think these kisses would be the only thing I'd miss feeling.

With great courage, I push him away. "What's going on?" I whisper, and his eyes flash with some unknown mystery. His swollen lips purse, and I notice a few more bruises along his neck, like somebody tried to choke him. I can see that he tried to cover it up with his jacket, but the bruises are in the shape of a hand. I slowly draw my fingers along it, looking him straight in the eyes the whole time. I see embarrassment, and he draws away from me, blending into the shadows.

It hurts that he doesn't trust me enough to show me where he hurts. But I know he will. When he's ready.

A girl can dream.

"Jace. Answer me," I asked him, my voice soft and soothing like I was talking to a baby. He wouldn't talk unless he felt secure. He's learned that words are fickle, and words can be used against him. I've seen him go weeks, months even without saying a single thing. In some ways, I've started doing the same. I don't trust words anymore. Too many broken promises, too many harsh sentiments expressed through words.

"Your parents are talking to my dad. About you." he hoarsely mutters. _Hoarse. Like he's been screaming._

_No. Jace doesn't scream. He got rid of that years ago as well. _

Before I can help myself, my hand flies to my head as it begins to throb, the veins behind my eyes pulsing rapidly. I feel like I"m about to faint, which is never a good sign. I always get nightmares when I'm unconscious. Sometimes they're a welcome change from the nightmare I'm living right now.

"So what should we do?" I manage to grit my teeth and moan out. I think I see a flash of concern flicker in Jace's eyes, but he quickly shuts it out. He's learned to mask his emotions. That's one of the things I wish I could do as well.

"Listen," and he slowly grabs my arm and begins to pull me along blindly.

* * *

**So how was it :) Like it, love it, hate it? Let me know in the review :D It'd make me a happy camper. And everybody, read Delirium by Lauren Oliver. You will love it. The second book, Pandemonium, just killed me. It ripped my soul out and put it back in. In a good way.**

**Also read Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver. You will love me for these recommendations if you read them. These books are just too amazing. **


	3. Fairy Tales

**Hi you guys :) My readers =D Updatee timee :] I'm exciteeeedddd ya know ;) Giving me information y'allssss. Better watch out ;D I don't even understand me I'm just gonna be quiet now shhh ignore me children.**

**This chapter's playlist: Hospital by The Used  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and my own characters :D Cassandra Clare owns the rest.  
**

**_Previously on Trapped in a Nightmare:_  
**

"Your parents are talking to my dad. About you." he hoarsely mutters. Hoarse. Like he's been screaming.

No. Jace doesn't scream. He got rid of that years ago as well.

Before I can help myself, my hand flies to my head as it begins to throb, the veins behind my eyes pulsing rapidly. I feel like I"m about to faint, which is never a good sign. I always get nightmares when I'm unconscious. Sometimes they're a welcome change from the nightmare I'm living right now.

"So what should we do?" I manage to grit my teeth and moan out. I think I see a flash of concern flicker in Jace's eyes, but he quickly shuts it out. He's learned to mask his emotions. That's one of the things I wish I could do as well.

"Listen," and he slowly grabs my arm and begins to pull me along blindly.

* * *

Time and time again the lovers called to each other. They had everything they could have ever wanted. They had the perfect world. Too perfect. They longed for something more, something beyond. Love can not always stand perfection. Love is always strongest through battles. But sometimes battles can be too much. It can destroy love. The lovers begged for more, but nothing came. And slowly, their love faded. This world was not as perfect as it seemed.

* * *

_-Flashback-_

_My heart beats frantically. My eyes roam the field, looking for him. I catch a glimpse of blonde hair, and excitedly turn my body, but disappointment causes my posture to falter as it's not him. I keep my eyes on the lookout for any sign of him, as I weed my garden carefully and slowly, as to detract attention. But I don't see him. And even if I did, what good would it do? It's not like I could actually ever talk to him. I'd be too nervous, and start blabbering like I always do. And it's not like a boy as beautiful as him would even come close to a girl like me.  
_

_And even if everything was perfect, it's not like my parents would approve.  
_

_-End flashback-_

_"_Jace, can you just tell me what the hell is going on?" I whisper, the tremble in my voice betraying the nervousness I feel. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Could anybody know about us somehow? I doubt it. We've been so careful. Jace just looks at me, his eyes betraying nothing, creating a barrier between me and his thoughts. He slowed his pace to a walk, and we slowly crept through the wretched cobblestone path that marred the blooming garden. Hiding behind a tree, I heard the fairy-like voice of my mother.

"Is it true? About Jonathan I mean?" Jace winced at the use of his full name, which I kept silent note of to ask him later.

"I'm not sure. I've been observing him, but a lot of the signs are there," Jace's father responded, his voice nothing like the gravelly tone I expected. He sounded a lot like Jace. Not in his actual voice, Jace's voice resonated with a powerful magnitude. Jace's fathers was weak. But the similarity's were that they both sounded defeated when they spoke. He sounded like a man who the world has broken, and I almost felt sorry for him. Then I remembered what he had done. What he still does to Jace every day. And the fact there's nothing I can do about it.

I loathe him.

I despise every fiber of his being.

Jace grabs me and points to Jocelyn and Valentine, who had stood. Jocelyn in her long dress and Valentine in his suit gave them both the illusion of grandeur, as did the spiteful look upon their faces as they looked upon the "common people". Valentine extended his hand towards Jace's father's, speaking to him. "Keep in touch with us. Good day Mr. Herondale." Jace looked away when Valentine said his last name.

_Jonathan__ Herondale. _How come I had never heard Jace's last name before? I decided to ask him of that later.

As Jocelyn and Valentine haughtily walked away, the clickedy-clack of Jocelyn's heels began to get louder. Jace pulled me against him, blending us both into the shadows against the trees. As we became a part of the darkness, I could feel both our hearts racing as we quietly watched Jocelyn and Valentine stride away. Jace's heart was beating steadily, contrasting against the rapid pace of mine. He grabbed my hand and interlocked his fingers with mine and squeezed them, a silent gesture of support that meant more than anybody could imagine. It was times like this I felt so proud of our progress. I remember the destroyed, broken boy I fell in love with, and my heart soars at how he is now. He's still broken, but he's learning to live with it.

And that's all that I can ask for.

As we hear the roar of the car motor starting, I pull away from Jace, leaving our hands interlocked. He gazes at me, cocking his head slightly, his eyes wide. He looks like a doe, and any little movement I make could startle him. As his breathtaking eyes capture mine, my breathing hitches. Jace smirks slightly, letting out a breathy chuckle.

"Do you think they know anything?" I blurt, and instantly regret my decision. The smile that rarely graces Jace's brow disappears as he hears what I have to say. He slowly pulls his fingers away, and I find myself longing for his

"I doubt it," he whispers, avoiding eye contact. I mentally slap myself, as I just ruined the moment. I feel his gaze brush mine, but I have bigger stuff to focus on.

"So what do you think they were talking about?" I ask, wincing internally as I know I'm pushing Jace further into his shell. Any sort of intrusion from me causes him to retreat back into his little world.

"Us. Me. You. The weather. They could have been talking about anything." Jace looked at me and slowly raised an eyebrow, so I knew there was still hope. I laughed lightly, and Jace smiled a little. _Score 1 for Clary._

"You know what they were talking about though, don't you?" I ask him, because I could tell he was hiding something.

Jace's eyes narrowed, and his lips pursed. But we have an all truth policy, so he replied, "Yes."

"Can you tell me what it is?" I asked, my heart racing. He knew what was going on, so we had a chance to stop whatever was happening.

"No." He stated bluntly, looking me straight.

"Why not?"

"I just can't." He looked at me with despair, trying to tell me through his face everything that couldn't be expressed. He was afraid. And this was a fear that ran more than skin deep. It cut through him, like a knife through flesh. You could see it that he wished he could tell me, but he couldn't.

My tone softened, "I'm not going to leave you Jace. Ever."

"You can't promise that," his voice wavered, but his face remained steady. He truly thought I would leave him.

"I can. And I am." I take his pinky in mine, and I look down at our linked pinkies. He keeps our pinkies linked, refusing to let go. "I swear."

"I still can't tell you," Jace looked at me, his eyes burning holes through my forehead, his gaze intently focused on there.

"You can tell me whenever you're ready."

"I'll never be ready."

"That's okay too." I whisper, and I rise on my tiptoes to meet his lips with mine, softly. However, he crushes me against the tree behind us, his lips parting mine harshly, his hands gently but firmly groping my cheeks. It may seem violent or animalistic, but this was passion in its rawest, truest form.

And I craved it.

* * *

Realizing I had to be back at home before my parents arrived, an impossible feat, I reluctantly pried myself away from Jace, and trudged home. I knew there was no way I'd reach home before a car, so I tried to play it off as if once I realized they were gone, I had went for a walk in the garden. But I totally forgot about the paint in my room.

"Clarissa Fairchild Morgenstern where have you been." Jocelyn asked me sternly, her emerald eyes staring right into my own similar ones, as if trying to ask them for the truth.

"I went out for an illicit affair with the son of a gardener, and we eloped." I made my face as serious as possible, while telling my mother a half-truth, which she would take as an extreme exaggeration and sarcasm.

"Don't try to act smart with me. What happened to your room?" Jocelyn looked at me, her expression disapproving.

"I painted it. I got bored of white." I shrugged nonchalantly. _Since when have I stood up to Jocelyn? Never. _

"And you didn't think to ask me about this decision?" her voice lowered to a dangerous, low tone, and she didn't even meet my gaze. _Now I'm screwed. _

"It's my room, not yours."

"But it's my house, not yours. It's my money that bought this, and you and everything in this home is my property. So until you learn to respect my property, you are not allowed to have any sorts of paints in this house, even ones that you have paid for yourself. Additionally, you won't be allowed out for three days." Jocelyn began to stride away, as the details of the punishment hit me.

"That's so unfair!" My voice sounds whiney even to me. _No Jace._

_No Jace._

_No Jace. _

That's all that was running through my head the whole time my mother was talking.

Jocelyn just walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Whenever my mother's face, perpetually with an expression of loathing and disdain, appeared in my vision, I felt so unsettled. She was hiding something from me, I just could never figure out what it was.

_No Jace._

_You won't be able to see Jace._

_He'll probably think that you deserted him. _

Jace could come to my room. But the thing was, we normally met in the gardens first. We never just showed up spontaneously like he did last night. That was a one-time thing, and it's super risky anyways. We can't let us take those kind of risks. Getting caught could lead to death for Jace, and for me, expulsion from the class of "nobles". Not that that meant anything to me. I couldn't care less about which societal position I belonged in. I just wanted Jace next to me, and I cold live through anything.

But Jace would never allow me to do that for him. He would tell me that he was not worth it, and when I would refute that, he would tell me he would never speak to me again if I made such a rash decision until he was ready to commit. And I had to accept the fact that Jace may never be ready to make any kind of commitment. It was sad but true.

I thought such thoughts with a heavy heart and a burdened soul.

My mind began to wander to different stories. I loved reading, and I made up stories all the time. Tales of kings and queens, warriors and princesse's. But most of all, my mind began to wander to a story I had heard when I was little. It went like this:

_Once upon a very very long time ago, there lived a fair maiden. She lived in the forest with all of the animals, and all of them loved her and appreciated her. But one day, a Prince was walking through the woods, Prince Edward. He was the handsomest man to have ever ruled the great kingdom of Andalesia, and as soon as he saw the girl in the woods, he was awestruck. He knew for certain this was going to be his wife._

_But then, a terrible famine struck the land. It raged on for months, and as the droughts continued, all the animals and plants began to slowly wither away and perish. With the animals gone, the maiden grew upset, and she sat inside crying. Her face became pallid, her eyes red and swollen, but to the Prince, she was still the most beautiful woman in the world. Every day he would stand outside her door, wishing there was something he could do to cure her weeping, but he was too nervous to speak to her._

_Then it struck him._

_He sent her a notice telling her to come to the palace at once, and in the palace he set up a large zoo. He filled it with lemurs, monkeys, cats, dogs, and all kinds of birds. Every animal in the kingdom, Prince Edward had it. And when the maiden saw these animals, she smiled again. For the first time in forever. But the Prince realized she wasn't smiling at him, she was smiling at the animals. She didn't love him, she loved the animals. The Prince went into a great depression, but the maiden fell in love with him. They both lied happily ever after in the kingdom, but every now and then, the maiden would go back into the woods for a couple of nights, longing for the freedom that came with the forest. _

She didn't know why she thought of this story. This always was one of the saddest stories to her. The maiden gave up freedom for the Prince, and that's exactly what she was trying to get Jace to do for her. She would never force him to do something like that. Jace was a free spirit, wild and untamed, but easily broken, just like the maiden of the story. If Clary wanted to be with Jace, she had to allow him to be free, only then would they work together.

But she still wished he wouldn't hide things from her. She wanted to know.

She thought it might have something to do with the prophecy. Jace didn't know she knew about the prophecy, but she did. She had once overheard her parents discussing it, but she was never so sure what it had to do with.

If Jace was the one that was told of, there was no turning back. Clary was in it with Jace, because she was written of in the prophecy too.

If it in fact was both of them.

If it was, the unspeakable was bound to happen.

They would be forced to separate.

* * *

**It's over (: How was it? Just saying, somehow Clary doesn't go to school. She's basically home-schooled, but only learns art forms such as sewing, painting, writing. This story takes place where cars and some forms of modern technology exist, but there are no cell phones and computers and T.V.'s. Also, women have to wear dresses in public, etc. It's like the 1800's with benefits.**

**Please review:D I'll try to update more often Kayks.**


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